Season 1, Episode 3: Every Dream Has It’s Price (Tag)

"It's hard for us in the Golden Ghetto to understand that need."
-West Beverly High School English Teacher

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the delay in posting. I’ve been having a pretty gnarly time with my family over the holidays, but I’m ready to get back to class! 

This episode sort of marks the beginning of when shit starts to get real up in the 90210. Shoplifting, illegal immigrations, poor working conditions… I hope you guys are ready for this heavy stuff.

Once again, the episode starts at the Walsh house. Brenda is in her room, using Brandon to practice bitching at her mother to let her go on a ridiculously expensive twilight horseback riding trip with It Girl Kelly Taylor. She sucks at parental manipulation and Brandon has to teach her how it’s done. Play to the heart Bren, it’s all about spinning the words. 

Once Brenda does finally grow a pair, she gets completely shot down by Mrs. Walsh. Apparently $120 is too much money to spend on something so silly. It sucks to be poor in the 90210. 

Brenda tells her that she is completely ridiculous for not letting her do the things the rich kids are doing. How else will she fit in? Mrs. Walsh sees this as the perfect opportunity to teach a life lesson about appearances, but Brenda acts like the infamous honey badger… she just don’t give a shit. Too bad she’s not the real honey badger of the family though or we could have been saved a lot of grief throughout the years.

The kids leave for school and Mrs. Walsh is left to contemplate this horrible mess she’s found herself in. Her thoughts are interrupted by a woman speaking Spanish to her. Mrs. Walsh no habla Español, so, at the end of the conversation she finds herself with a new cleaning lady. There are two things to note here. 1. A Mexican cleaning lady in California? Yeah, that’s not racist. 2. Hiring a maid when you’ve just told your daughter you’re poor? That’s not hypocritical. It had to be said.

Meanwhile, at West Bev, there’s a new ho in the in-crowd and she’s attached herself to It Girl Kelly Taylor. Brenda is mad jealz as she hears them talking about the fancy cars daddy bought them. Looks like Brenda may have been replaced by a richer, cooler, skankier model.  

Back at the Walsh house, Mr. and Mrs. Walsh talk over the phone about the cleaning lady. Mr. Walsh is clearly swamped at work but Mrs. Walsh doesn’t care. She’s pissed about her miserable life in the 90210 and she’s going to let him hear it.  Mr. Walsh is just telling her about how everyone else in Beverly Hills has a cleaning lady when the phone cuts out. Are the Walshs so poor they can’t pay the phone bill?

In English class, they’re reading Les Miserables. Finally a class other than Chemistry and Spanish! The teacher starts waxing poetic about Jean Valjean and how one decision can change your whole destiny. Kelly and the new ho giggle in the back, but Brenda is eating this shit for breakfast. Isn't that ironic? Kelly and the new ho would never need to steal a loaf of bread to survive, but Brenda just may have to. 

The teacher generalizes for the 90210 crowd by saying, “It’s hard for us in the Golden Ghetto to understand that need.” Isn't that so dope? Preach sister, preach. 

She assigns a paper to be due Monday about how one event can change a life. I don’t know if you guys know much about Les Mis as a book, but it’s like 4 million pages long. How the hell does this teacher expect these kids to complete that assignment by Monday? This is the 90210, not Harvard. There are parties to attend, shopping trips to take, and twilight horseback riding excursions to go on! I dunno guys, I’m stressing out just thinking about it.

At the end of the day, the new ho, Tiffany, decides to go shopping with Kelly and Brenda. Brenda tries to point out that she po, but Tiff says no worries. She won’t be buying anything either. If that’s not foreshadowing, I don’t know what is. A conversation about stealing, a shady new character, and a line about going to a store and coming away empty handed in the 90210? Maybe the writers thought we wouldn’t catch on so soon...

Anywho, let’s move on to the more attractive, intelligent, and likeable twin, Brandon. Andrea creams herself when she finds out he’s job hunting to pay for car insurance. So responsible! So different from the other boys...

Cue the trippy montage of Brandon getting denied everywhere while depressing Jazz music plays in the background! 

The very last place on his list is a fancy restaurant. For some reason the lady decides to give him a shot. Personally, I think his boyish good looks had something to do with it.

At the mall, Steve gives David cologne advice. This is obviously a filler just so that we can learn about how Tiff and Kelly used to be BFFLs before they had a huge falling out. There’s no other need for Steve to be talking about his Vagisil Cleanser.

As the shop, Brenda tries to start up an intelligent conversation with Tiff and Kelly about one event changing a whole life. Is she really trying to talk about the assignment while shopping? Does she not realize who she is with? Sometimes, Brenda, I worry about you.

Neither of the two can form an intelligent answer so they decide to try on clothes instead. This gives Tiffany the perfect opportunity to show us who she really is: a dirty thief. Brenda, Tiffany, and Tiffany’s stolen goods leave the store while Kelly pays. Kelly Taylor being the honorable one? My how the tables have turned.

The next morning, the cleaning lady shows up at the Walsh house. Once again, Mr. Walsh is too busy at work to deal with the crazy that he calls his wife. Upstairs, Brenda struggles with her closet again. What is her deal? Nothing in there has changed, and that hat still doesn’t look good.

Back at school, Steve gets the 411 on Brandon’s new job. Steve’s cooter get’s moist as he thinks about Brandon working in a swanky restaurant for a hot older woman. Brandon tries to squash the desire by saying, “I’m a waiter, not a lover.” Give it time.

Brenda is still contemplating Les Mis and the theme of stealing. Why on earth would the teacher assign her this book? It’s so aggravating when Brenda tries to think deeply. She’s too self involved to be a deep thinker. This time, she’s contemplating who is more guilty: the person who doesn’t want to steal but has to, or the person who wants to steal but doesn’t. Um, come on, really? I can’t take this shit seriously.

Back at home, Mrs. Walsh befriends the maid. After all, she needs a friend in the 90210 too.

After school, David creepily videos the girls. Tiff is all about it. In a move that would make Paris Hilton proud, she takes off her dress for David, making him wonder which teen god it was that answered his prayers. 

While Tiffany is distracted by her future career in the porn industry, Brenda asks Kelly why she and Tiff ever had a rift. Looks like Tiffany was just too wild for It Girl Kelly Taylor.

Tiff and Brenda make plans to hang out, but first they need to stop at the Walsh house so Tiff can check out the digs. That’s not all she does there, though. First she catches Mrs. Walsh cleaning and scoffs about that, then she insults Brenda by calling her house cozy, (that’s rich people talk for small), and finally, she hides her stolen goods in Brenda’s closet. Bitch alert! 

We shouldn’t be too upset though. It turns out Tiffany is a victim of an absent mother. What else is new? What are all of the moms up to in the 90210 that they can’t take care of their kids? Seriously, if I had a dollar for every absent parent on this show, I might be able to buy all that shit Tiffany stole.

While Brenda is chilling with her new bitchy friend, Brandon is showing up 15 minutes early for his new job. What a good kid! His boss is all surprised that someone is early and answers the door in lingerie.

After she decides it’s OK for him to be early, she starts making all sorts of sexual innuendo. Brandon is going to be getting his hands into tight places. Well, she certainly can’t be talking about herself.

Turns out Brandon won’t be waiting tables, he’ll be working in the back with the illegal immigrants.

It must be the weekend, because Kelly is about to go on her horseback riding trip. Tiff thinks Kelly is totes lame for skipping out on shopping to ride on a horse. There are much better things to ride… That was the problem with hers and Kelly’s friendship before. Kelly was just too controlling and boring. Alright Tiff, well, have fun with Brenda.

This opens the door for some serious bonding time between Brenda and Tiff. Brenda talks about her Minnesota BFF and Tiff thinks that Brenda is from the “real world.” Oh good, so we’re all agreed that the 90210 is on a radical different level.

At the restaurant, Brandon gets a reality check when he finds out that the busboys don’t get a share of the tips. However, there are worse discoveries in store...   

While shopping, Brenda and Tiff bitch about the ridiculous prices. Then Tiff uses Brenda as a decoy while she steals more shit. 

This time, it doesn’t work and she’s caught! Brenda feels totally used and abused as she gets taken to the back for holding, along with her sneaky friend. Tiffany claims she was doing it for Brenda because she knew her cajones would never be big enough to actually go through with it.

At the Walsh house, Brandon gets home from work, exhausted. The grownup Walshs barely have time to remark on what an amazing son they have when the phone rings. That’s right, you guessed it, they have to go and pick up their thief of a daughter. 

Brandon sticks up for his lover twin and Mr. Walsh claims that is must be Tiffany’s fault. That’s pretty observant for someone who’s never around his kids.

Back at the store, Tiffany tries to use the fact that she’s rich to get out of trouble. She offers to pay for the goods that she stole and voila! Money makes the world go round. Too bad Brenda’s parents were already called! It must be tough for the Walsh twins to have the only parents in Beverly Hills. 

Mr. and Mrs. Walsh begin to reprimand Brenda which really makes Brenda fly off the handle. She didn’t do anything wrong!

The next morning, Mr. and Mrs. Walsh (who have had a surprising amount of airtime this episode) power walk while they discussing their thief of a daughter. Mr. Walsh sports an entirely teal jogging suit. As if being poor wasn’t bad enough.

Mr. Walsh says that people with money are the worst thieves of all. He is totally on Brenda’s side.

Over the phone, Kelly tells Brenda that Tiffany is a klepto and says something about her taking Steve. What? What is it about Steve’s hair milkshake that brings all the girls to the yard?

While Brenda turns to Brandon for comfort, the maid finds the stolen clothes Tiff put in Brenda’s closet. Boy does that really grind Mrs. Walsh’s gears. Brenda tries to convince her that she is innocent but Mrs Walsh doesn't believe her. I wonder why not? Brenda decides that if her mother is going to think the worst of her than she isn’t going to bother explaining. That sounds like rational logic and something a completely innocent person would do.

Brenda cries about how hard her life is. She can’t blend in without new clothes but her mother can have a maid!? She wanted to steal! She really did, but she couldn’t do it! Well Brenda, it turns out mom has a hard life too. She’s stuck in the house all day with no one to talk to but her asshole daughter.

Brandon shows up ten minutes late to work and the boss aint happy. She says she’s going to dock his pay which thoroughly surprises Brandon. Yesterday he was fifteen minutes early! Well, I don’t know of many part time jobs where being early one day means you can be late the next, but, to each his own I guess.

Brenda confronts Tiffany at her home where she is lounging by the pool with strange boys she doesn’t know. She tries to play the absent parent card, where her daily life consists of threats to be shipped to Swiss boarding school and trips to Rome. Clearly they come from different worlds.

Dylan is eating at Brandon’s restaurant. Oh, hey Dylan, thanks for stopping by! This is the best moment of the episode. Brandon finds out the foreigners aren’t making minimum wage and he is not going to stand for it. He basically tells his boss to fuck off, says he’s an undercover reporter, quits, and joins Dylan for dinner. He sits down at Dylan’s table! Brandon Walsh is the true honey badger of the Walsh family. He is also a BAMF.

He and Dylan decide to split and go somewhere better…. THE PEACH PIT!!!!!!! Yes! I’ve been waiting for this! Brandon tells his troubles to the owner and then he gets a new job! Brandon Walsh becomes a waiter at the Peach Pit. So there you go.

In an act completely out of character, Tiffany confesses to Mrs. Walsh. She tells Mrs. Walsh that she herself is the dirty thief and that Brenda shouldn’t be allowed to hang out with her. Mrs. Walsh tries to give Tiffany some motherly advice and tells her that if everyone stole there would be nowhere to shop. “Nowhere to shop? Now that’s scary.”

Brenda overhears the conversation. Looks like all will be well.

The episode ends with Brandon reading Brenda’s Les Mis paper. She talks about the hunger to belong. Mr. Walsh is just hungry. The credits come up on a happy family.

Well, I'm exhausted. Hope you guys enjoyed that! Catch you later!

G