Hello Friends and Comrades! Hope you're ready for part two!
The two part pilot comes to a close with the dopest plot ever. This episode starts where the last episode finished; at a party in da club. Brenda has been ditched by Kelly and her bitches, so she's alone. Enter old man on the prowl.
He offers to buy her a drink. For a moment, you think she is going to do the smart thing and run, but instead she decides to give him all over her details. We're surprised she didn't give him her social security number.
For the record kids, Brenda's drink of choice is a Banana Daquiri. Gross. He's just graduated law school and she's 16. This isn't a scenario for disaster! It gets better though. She lies about going to UCLA, which turns out to be his alma mater. He asks her a bunch of probing questions that any normal UCLA student would be able to answer. She compensates by concocting a lie about transferring her entire sorority house from Minnesota State.
Meanwhile on the windy roads of Beverly Hills, Brandon is getting a ride from his ho. Not that kind of ride! They're on her dad's motorcycle, which he conveniently left at her disposal. These West Bev kids are crazy!
The ho lets Brandon drive and he takes them to her hot tub. Cue the heavy petting! An intense make-out session, accompanied by drinks, and you'd think Brandon is pretty close to sealing the deal. She even suggests that they get naked. Now, Brandon is either gay or afraid of sex, because his response to her suggestion is, "Aren't you supposed to hold out on me?" That is SO not the dopest quote of the episode! Brandon, why do you want to work so hard!? She's right there! Offering it up! Wait. We see your angle. He's playing the "I'm not like most guys" game. Well played, Brandon. It worked. He even goes so far as to get her to admit that she has to be a ho because her parents were even bigger hos than her in the 60's. Can't have them thinking her life is boring!
Later that night, Brenda gets dropped off outside her imaginary sorority and pretends to walk inside. He drives away thinking he totally scored. And then the sixteen year old calls a cab.
Brenda calls Kelly in the middle of the night.
It's actually 6am, but Kelly's mom is either drunk or on drugs because this hour seems to displease her very much. She's all P.O.'d because some guy named Bob was woken up. Kelly's like, "What ev mom, your lame ass boyfriend sleeps all day anyway." We get a nice glimpse into Kelly's home life here. Kelly can be a ho as long as she doesn't give her mom shit about being a ho, too. And that's what we leaned about It Girl Kelly Taylor's life. The nose job makes so much more sense now. Anyway, Kelly tells her that if he really loves her, he won't care that she's jail bait. Great advice Kelly. This one should really end well.
Moving on. The next day, there is a pop quiz in chemistry. Brenda's new social life has made it impossible for her to study. Now who will Kelly cheat off of? In Spanish class, Brandon gets a surprise of his own: a special delivery of red roses. The delivery guy even speaks Spanish! Not surprising actually, it is California. First riding on the back of the motorcycle, now sending him roses in class? Why is Marianne Moore trying to turn him into a little bitch? Leave his balls alone!
Andrea is mad jealz of Brandon's new romance! Steve is on the hunt for David - who he can't remember. Really, Steve? You were that drunk you can't even remember the sweet angel who drove you home!? Did your pink velvet sausage wallet self even have a drink in your hand that night?
For some reason David and his friend are afraid of the afro and show up to school in disguise, but they have to go into Steve's crushed car to get sidekick's Lakers hat.
Rumors start to spread about Brandon and Marianne's budding relationship. Probably because of the whole roses incident. One of the students that Brandon's probably never spoken to in his life asks him what the deal is and Brandon answers, "I did something with Marianne on Friday night that most guys probably couldn't handle." You can take from that what you will. Imagine you're a teenage boy in this situation. Yeah, not surprising everyone thinks Brandon banged her. The thing is, we don't think he was actually intending to make it sound like he banged her. Things sure are different in the 90210.
With the help of the school's radio station, KWBH, the rumor gets blown completely out of proportion. Marianne hears about it on her ride to school and she is ticked off. She confronts Brandon in a deserted hallway and socks him in the gut, whining that she thought he was "for real." Remember in high school when you thought love could be for real after just one date? Simpler times. Anywho, she storms off before he can even explain.
David and Sidekick break into Steve's car thinking they're going to be all sly and shit. Turns out Steve's got his car alarm set up to a pager. What he doesn't have in brains he sure makes up for in sweet car accessories. Steve threatens to kick Sidekick's ass when he catches them, but David coughs up to his random act of kindness. He should have just let Steve drive his drunk ass into a tree and save us all the trouble. He settles for calling Steve a jerk and we'll have to take it with a grain of salt. David cleverly avoids punishment by distracting Steve with an idea to scam the insurance guys. Steve busts out his crazy laugh and then leaves. He didn't even beat them up. Well that was anticlimactic. Figures Steve would be all talk and no game. No wonder It-Girl Kelly Taylor ditched him.
Back at the Walsh house, Brenda introduces herself to the mirror over and over again, just in case you've forgotten which twin she is. She claims she hates her name. It could have been worse. She could have been called Branda.
Brandon comes in to ask her for some advice while she's getting ready for her hot old man date. He's worried he started the rumor and feels like a total jerk. For some reason Branda thinks he's an inconsiderate prick and tells him to check himself before he wrecks himself. Then they talk about why Branda is getting all dolled up. She says it's a secret for now but she'll tell him everything later. Brandon hates secrets. Well, Brandon, you might be on the wrong show.
The old man shows off his hot young thang to all his sophisticated buddies. Branda spews more lies about being an Astronomy major and tries to convince old man's friends that a black hole is just a hole that is black. And we thought she was supposed to be the intelligent Walsh.
Back outside the imaginary sorority, the old man tries to bone her in the car. She's not quite ready to cash in her V card just yet and leaves the old man with blue balls. He tells her that next time, she will spend the night at his place.
The next morning at West Bev, Brandon makes an appearance on the radio station to clear the air, melting the hearts of girls all across the nation. He also completely erases all of the man points he earned the day before. Marianne forgives him and he tries to get in her pants. She shoots him down saying that she'll call him. What a sucker.
Brenda gets her first F and needs to get her parents to sign the test. Her life is spiralling out of control! Maybe moving to California was a bad idea...
Brandon seeks out Andrea to get her approval of what he's done. She lives her life under a rock and doesn't realize that Brandon went public to make things right. In an effort to get her to listen to him, Brandon follows her city bus all the home. What must have been hours later, Brandon finds out that Andrea doesn't live anywhere near Beverly Hills. She's a fraud! This whole time she's been lying, using her grandmother's cheap ass rent controlled apartment as her address. OMG you guys! She's not as saintly as it seems. Andrea's all high and mighty about how living in an undesirable post code shouldn't mean her quality of education has to suffer. Um, actually Andrea, it does. You don't pay school taxes to West Beverly Hills. You're stealing. Brandon doesn't seem to mind, though. After all, at least he's not the poorest person at that school. He promises to keep her secret and Andrea's all stoked that she can finally bring a friend home from school.
Brenda finds herself on another fancy expensive date. Don't forget, tonight's the night for them to bump uglies. The old man starts talking about how he hated his live-in ex-girlfriend and Brenda gets all yuppy and spills the beans. Turns out, three dates does not true love make and the old man is totally pissed. We're pretty sure he'll be jumpy when he hears police sirens for the rest of his life. He lectures her about the dangers of lying and she is all butt hurt because she was totally gonna lose it to him tonight! What a jerk!
Brenda gets home later that night and her mother doesn't even care that her daughter was driven home by a strange man she's never met. Remember when she just had to embarrass her in front Kelly and her bitches? Her mom tries to be all understanding but Brenda just wants to talk with Brandon. In another one of their creepy TMI sibling talks Brenda shares that she misses Minnesota and that just because Brandon is 30 seconds older, it does not make him wiser. They also check with each other - they're both still pure. Gee, wonder how long that will last? The show ends with Brandon giving us the dopest quote of the episode. Does he think they'll make it in the 90210? "Well, the houses are bigger, the weather is warmest, and the tan lines are OUTSTANDING, but that doesn't mean they've cracked the meaning of life, you know what I mean?" No Brandon, not really.
Later!
M&G
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