Season 1, Episode 2: The Green Room

"Just remember me when everyone wants to get into your green room." -Brenda Walsh, to her twin brother

Hello Comrades!

Marie here to update you on the latest happenings in the 90210. With Christmas coming up we might be taking a momentary holiday from writing to spend our time ditching bitches, getting drunk, going home with guys in bars, and all kinds of other things that It-Girl Kelly Taylor would do. Fret not though, we'll be back in no time to give you the latest scoop on our favorite bunch of rich snobs.

So where did we leave off? Last class we found out Andrea was a liar, Kelly is a crap friend, Brandon & Brenda may or may not be in love, and Steve is still stuffing his pants with rolls of socks. Okay then, great recap.

The second episode from Season 1 opens up with Brandon running around on the beach, presumably pretending to be David Hasselhoff, as the Beach Boys blast in the background. Not gonna lie, Brandon actually looks pretty fit, and I can't help but notice that he's sporting a fresh new hairdo. Has the mullet been murdered? IT HAS! I can only assume that this beach sequence is a dream though, since I'm pretty sure Brandon is still a semi-loser, and I'm soon proven correct. Brandon is awoken by his twin sister, and closest confidante, Brenda, followed closely by that godzilla alarm clock, and I sit wondering which one of the two makes my ears bleed more.

We see a quick clip of someone delivering mail to the former Walsh house in Minnesota, where it's snowing. Right on the letter it says to forward the mail to their new home in Beverly Hills, so I'm not sure why the hell the mailman wasted his time carrying it to their door. To each his own I suppose, and the show is transported back to sunny Beverly Hills, along with whatever useless letters the Walshes were getting.

Oh man, different opening credits! I guess the pilot got picked up and we could splurge a little with that budget. They still suck just as much.

Back inside the Walsh house and we hear Mama Walsh on the phone to her estranged husband and crap father to her children. After uprooting his family to California, Mr. Walsh is always away on business, probably with his other family that he keeps on the side, and Mrs. Walsh let's him know that he needs to come home soon because her well is running dry. Brenda is hanging out in the kitchen working on her eating disorder and these epic words are spoken: "Kinda makes you wonder what we're doing out here, doesn't it?" Yes, it really does. In fact, that might be the smartest thing that anyone on this show has ever said.

The rolling turd takes the Walshes to school and Brandon is finally introduced to It-Girl Kelly Taylor. I'm pretty sure Brandon already thinks Kels is a bitch but he'd still like to bang her if she promised to stay silent. Then again, we learned last episode that the Walsh twins don't bang anybody because no one fornicates in Minnesota. That type of behavior is saved for California, the sex capital of the world. In this scene Donna finally has a line instead of just sitting around like a twat, when she tells Brenda that her brother is dope. I guess everyone wants to ride the Brandon train after they saw his new hair. Steve pops by after Brandon leaves, looking more and more like a child predator, and reminds everyone that he dated Kelly for a year. God help us all.

Brandon pops into the newsroom to see his BFF Andrea, who refers to him as being an ace sportswriter. I wondered if I had missed an episode since I'm pretty sure that as of last week Brandon hadn't written jack shit for the newspaper, but I guess it doesn't take much to impress Andrea, the editor of the best high school newspaper in the United States. As an interesting assignment, Andrea tells Brandon that this week he's not going to write about sports -- he's writing about himself! I have to say, this is bound to be incredible.

David's sidekick, Lakers Kid, starts showing Brandon a new invention, which I'm pretty sure was just a computer, and then one of Tim Allen's kids from Home Improvement shows up and starts picking on the freshman nerd with his gang of white thugs. Out of the shadows appears a god-like creature, who stands up for Lakers Kid. I'm not sure where the hell he came from, but my eyes are very thankful. Brandon was clearly as entranced as I was, and he follows this heavenly being out of the classroom. When he finally tracks him down, Brandon decides that he totes wants to be friends with this stud-muffin. The boy introduces himself to Brandon as Dylan McKay, and they bond over being Irish-Americans. Gosh, I hope that this Dylan guy goes on to be a main character!

The two boys decide to go have lunch and they are transported back into Brandon's visualizations from the night before. It soon becomes clear to me that Dylan McKay was meant to be the star of Brandon's wet dream, and I can't say I blame him. The two boys lunch on the beach in a totally non-gay way, and Brandon meets some of Dylan's "friends" which include two fucking morons and some dumb slut. I can tell immediately that Brandon's totally into this ho and I can't help but get really annoyed on behalf of a one, Marianne Moore. By the way, where the fuck is Marianne?! I'm assuming that she never called Brandon back after he pretended to have slept with her. Some people are too sensitive.

It turns out that this beach slut is named Sarah, except everybody calls her Betty because she's just a woman so they can't be bothered to learn her name. I feel a little vindicated at this, since Gina and I tend to refer to every minor female character in this show as "silly ho" or "dumb slut." Anyway, Betty is 16-years-old but her boobs are approximately 65. Seriously. They hang down to her to waist.

Back at West Bev, Kelly is talking about all the money she likes to spend and forgets that Brenda is living off welfare, you know, since her dad has two families to support. So instead of offering to buy some shit for Brenda, It-Girl Kelly Taylor suggests that Brenda follows her around after school so she can watch her spend money. Fun!

Next thing you know we're inside the Sanders house and Steve is having dinner with his mother over the phone. Oh cool, another MIA parent. Why do these people even bother reproducing? On the phone, Steve's ass of a mother asks Daughter Steve to befriend David Silver, since his dad is a big producer and she wants to get a part in his next project. Steve agrees to do it and then promptly hangs up on his mom so that he can watch her tv show while he eats.

The Walsh twins are back at home with their single mother, and Brandon lies to that sorry bitch's face to go and hang out with Dylan when he should probably be writing his editorial. I'm not sure why he would have to lie though, since Brenda is allowed to go wandering around with dumbass Kelly and doesn't get in trouble for dating pedophiles, but whatever. Then Brenda starts telling her mother that she's going to make her own clothes because it seems so wasteful that Kelly buys designer clothing. Brenda says that the clothes aren't better, they're just more expensive. Clearly Brenda's simple, Minnesotan ass doesn't realize the extremely apparent difference between things like leather and pleather, but Mrs. Walsh is clearly impressed with Brenda wanting to save some money because now they can get off food stamps.

Brandon finally meets up with Dylan, who is accompanied by Betty and her pimps. Dylan turns out to be quite the enigma and Brandon is intrigued to find that he's an intellectual. Who would have thunk it? Dylan also reveals to Brandon that he wishes he could save Betty from her pimps but he doesn't know how. Then they all go to a hotel and Dylan breaks into one of the suites so that they can party in there. Brandon gets his panties in a twist because in Minnesota no one ever does anything wrong, and he doesn't relish the thought of breaking any type of rule or getting in trouble. He runs out in a huff but Dylan chases him down.  Turns out that Dylan lives there when his parents are abroad - I'm sensing a trend here - and then Brandon gets mad because Dylan fakes being a G to impress the pimps and the ho. Then Brandon storms out and Dylan goes back to his party.

The next day Brandon brings Dylan up to Brenda. She tells her brother that she already knew all about who Dylan was, and that she heard he knocks up Parisians. Brandon's not totally buying what she's selling, but he starts hitting on her anyway and she's totally into it. Then Brenda invites Brandon to go to the beach with her, Kelly, and Kelly's bitches. Since Brandon likes being lame he keeps saying no and that he wants to stay at home with their mother. Finally he agrees to tag along.

When they get to the beach Brandon wanders out on his own and he runs into Betty and her pimps. It turns out that they're drunk assholes, and Brandon tells Betty that he liked her better sober. Dylan shows up soon after but he isn't drunk, he's just really sorry that he disappointed his new friend Brandon. The boys agree to meet up soon and Dylan heads off.

David is looking for Steve Sanders, and when he finally finds him, Steve tells David that his mother knows David's dad. David knows that this isn't true, but he so badly wants to be all up in Steve's bearded clam that he just plays along with it. Now he and Lakers Kid are so in.

Predictably, Kelly ditches Brenda because she takes too long to gather Brandon so they can leave. Now the Walsh twins have no ride home from the beach. All of sudden, Betty's drunk ass starts drowning. Brandon chases after her to save her life. Since all teenagers from Minnesota are CPR certified, Brandon begins to perform mouth-to-mouth on Betty. He then tells Brenda to call 911. Well, that solves the ride home problem.

At the hospital we find out that Betty is an alcoholic. Wow, didn't see that one coming. The doctor proclaims that the Walsh twins are heroes, and when their mother shows up he tells her she should be proud. Is this doctor an idiot? Look at the kind of people these two morons continue to associate themselves with. Mrs. Walsh is pissed that she had to cart her ass all the way to the hospital when it wasn't even her kids who almost drowned. She tells them "if this is a day in the life of your basic Beverly Hills family, we're moving back to Minnesota." Okay then.

Back at the beach, Brandon confronts Betty's pimps. He tries to make them feel bad for keeping their pimp hands strong, but it's to no avail. They start to fight but Dylan shows up and saves the day. Then he teaches the pimps a lesson by snapping their surfboard. Killer. He apologizes to Brandon for about the hundredth time, and I'm not even sure what the hell he's even supposed to be sorry about anymore. Saving Brandon's ass yet again? Being his only friend? Teaching him how to surf? Providing Brandon with the material he needed to write his editorial that Andrea assigned at the beginning of the episode? Oh heyyy!

Kelly is super sorry for ditching Brenda and she keeps calling the Walsh house every 5 minutes. What redeeming qualities does Brenda have that keeps Kelly coming back for more? I seriously have no idea. Brenda is being a bitch and ignoring the calls though, and Brandon finds this incredibly amusing. Then he asks his twin sister if she'll read his editorial entitled "The Green Room." She keeps stopping after every fucking word to be an annoying bitch and ask a thousand questions, but when she finally reads it through we find out that Brandon wrote about being a transfer student, and mentions the recent row of shit that he got himself into with Dylan's friends. Brenda is really impressed with Brandon's crap article and delivers to us the dopest quote of the episode, cited above. It is an incredibly appalling thing to say to your twin brother, but these two are fucking freaks. Then Brenda tells Brandon that she'll forgive Kelly... eventually.

Cut to a scene where Dylan is on the phone speaking French. Turns out that his parents suck ass and are always in Paris, ignoring their teenage son. Speaking of shitty parents, Steve's still got his meat curtains up David's butt on behalf of his mother. David reveals that his dad is actually an oral surgeon, not a producer, and Steve had the wrong kid all along. So after all that effort, his chia hole remains alone. What a shame.

At the end of the episode, Betty shows up at West Beverly where she's now going to school. Good to know that such an exclusive high school would let in a teenage alcoholic! She and Brandon have an extremely erotic exchange, which solidifies that Marianne Moore has just been dumped. In the final moments of the episode, Brandon becomes assured, as he always does, that they're gonna make it in Beverly Hills. We shall see, Brandon. We shall see.


See you next class-

M

Class of Beverly Hills, Part 2

"Well the houses are bigger, the weather is warmer, and the tan lines are outstanding, but it doesn't mean they've cracked the meaning of life, you know what I mean?" - Brandon Walsh

Hello Friends and Comrades! Hope you're ready for part two!

The two part pilot comes to a close with the dopest plot ever. This episode starts where the last episode finished; at a party in da club. Brenda has been ditched by Kelly and her bitches, so she's alone. Enter old man on the prowl.

He offers to buy her a drink. For a moment, you think she is going to do the smart thing and run, but instead she decides to give him all over her details. We're surprised she didn't give him her social security number.

For the record kids, Brenda's drink of choice is a Banana Daquiri. Gross. He's just graduated law school and she's 16. This isn't a scenario for disaster! It gets better though. She lies about going to UCLA, which turns out to be his alma mater. He asks her a bunch of probing questions that any normal UCLA student would be able to answer. She compensates by concocting a lie about transferring her entire sorority house from Minnesota State.

Meanwhile on the windy roads of Beverly Hills, Brandon is getting a ride from his ho. Not that kind of ride! They're on her dad's motorcycle, which he conveniently left at her disposal. These West Bev kids are crazy!

The ho lets Brandon drive and he takes them to her hot tub. Cue the heavy petting! An intense make-out session, accompanied by drinks, and you'd think Brandon is pretty close to sealing the deal. She even suggests that they get naked.  Now, Brandon is either gay or afraid of sex, because his response to her suggestion is, "Aren't you supposed to hold out on me?" That is SO not the dopest quote of the episode! Brandon, why do you want to work so hard!? She's right there! Offering it up! Wait. We see your angle. He's playing the "I'm not like most guys" game. Well played, Brandon. It worked. He even goes so far as to get her to admit that she has to be a ho because her parents were even bigger hos than her in the 60's. Can't have them thinking her life is boring!

Later that night, Brenda gets dropped off outside her imaginary sorority and pretends to walk inside. He drives away thinking he totally scored. And then the sixteen year old calls a cab.

Brenda calls Kelly in the middle of the night.

It's actually 6am, but Kelly's mom is either drunk or on drugs because this hour seems to displease her very much. She's all P.O.'d because some guy named Bob was woken up. Kelly's like, "What ev mom, your lame ass boyfriend sleeps all day anyway." We get a nice glimpse into Kelly's home life here. Kelly can be a ho as long as she doesn't give her mom shit about being a ho, too. And that's what we leaned about It Girl Kelly Taylor's life. The nose job makes so much more sense now. Anyway, Kelly tells her that if he really loves her, he won't care that she's jail bait. Great advice Kelly. This one should really end well.

Moving on. The next day, there is a pop quiz in chemistry. Brenda's new social life has made it impossible for her to study. Now who will Kelly cheat off of? In Spanish class, Brandon gets a surprise of his own: a special delivery of red roses. The delivery guy even speaks Spanish! Not surprising actually, it is California. First riding on the back of the motorcycle, now sending him roses in class? Why is Marianne Moore trying to turn him into a little bitch? Leave his balls alone!

Andrea is mad jealz of Brandon's new romance! Steve is on the hunt for David - who he can't remember. Really, Steve? You were that drunk you can't even remember the sweet angel who drove you home!? Did your pink velvet sausage wallet self even have a drink in your hand that night?

For some reason David and his friend are afraid of the afro and show up to school in disguise, but they have to go into Steve's crushed car to get sidekick's Lakers hat.

Rumors start to spread about Brandon and Marianne's budding relationship. Probably because of the whole roses incident. One of the students that Brandon's probably never spoken to in his life asks him what the deal is and Brandon answers, "I did something with Marianne on Friday night that most guys probably couldn't handle." You can take from that what you will. Imagine you're a teenage boy in this situation. Yeah, not surprising everyone thinks Brandon banged her. The thing is, we don't think he was actually intending to make it sound like he banged her. Things sure are different in the 90210.

With the help of the school's radio station, KWBH, the rumor gets blown completely out of proportion. Marianne hears about it on her ride to school and she is ticked off. She confronts Brandon in a deserted hallway and socks him in the gut, whining that she thought he was "for real." Remember in high school when you thought love could be for real after just one date? Simpler times. Anywho, she storms off before he can even explain.

David and Sidekick break into Steve's car thinking they're going to be all sly and shit. Turns out Steve's got his car alarm set up to a pager. What he doesn't have in brains he sure makes up for in sweet car accessories. Steve threatens to kick Sidekick's ass when he catches them, but David coughs up to his random act of kindness. He should have just let Steve drive his drunk ass into a tree and save us all the trouble. He settles for calling Steve a jerk and we'll have to take it with a grain of salt. David cleverly avoids punishment by distracting Steve with an idea to scam the insurance guys. Steve busts out his crazy laugh and then leaves. He didn't even beat them up. Well that was anticlimactic. Figures Steve would be all talk and no game. No wonder It-Girl Kelly Taylor ditched him.

Back at the Walsh house, Brenda introduces herself to the mirror over and over again, just in case you've forgotten which twin she is. She claims she hates her name. It could have been worse. She could have been called Branda.

Brandon comes in to ask her for some advice while she's getting ready for her hot old man date. He's worried he started the rumor and feels like a total jerk. For some reason Branda thinks he's an inconsiderate prick and tells him to check himself before he wrecks himself. Then they talk about why Branda is getting all dolled up. She says it's a secret for now but she'll tell him everything later. Brandon hates secrets. Well, Brandon, you might be on the wrong show.

The old man shows off his hot young thang to all his sophisticated buddies. Branda spews more lies about being an Astronomy major and tries to convince old man's friends that a black hole is just a hole that is black. And we thought she was supposed to be the intelligent Walsh.

Back outside the imaginary sorority, the old man tries to bone her in the car. She's not quite ready to cash in her V card just yet and leaves the old man with blue balls. He tells her that next time, she will spend the night at his place.

The next morning at West Bev, Brandon makes an appearance on the radio station to clear the air, melting the hearts of girls all across the nation. He also completely erases all of the man points he earned the day before. Marianne forgives him and he tries to get in her pants. She shoots him down saying that she'll call him. What a sucker.

Brenda gets her first F and needs to get her parents to sign the test. Her life is spiralling out of control! Maybe moving to California was a bad idea...

Brandon seeks out Andrea to get her approval of what he's done. She lives her life under a rock and doesn't realize that Brandon went public to make things right. In an effort to get her to listen to him, Brandon follows her city bus all the home. What must have been hours later, Brandon finds out that Andrea doesn't live anywhere near Beverly Hills. She's a fraud! This whole time she's been lying, using her grandmother's cheap ass rent controlled apartment as her address. OMG you guys! She's not as saintly as it seems. Andrea's all high and mighty about how living in an undesirable post code shouldn't mean her quality of education has to suffer. Um, actually Andrea, it does. You don't pay school taxes to West Beverly Hills. You're stealing. Brandon doesn't seem to mind, though. After all, at least he's not the poorest person at that school. He promises to keep her secret and Andrea's all stoked that she can finally bring a friend home from school.

Brenda finds herself on another fancy expensive date. Don't forget, tonight's the night for them to bump uglies. The old man starts talking about how he hated his live-in ex-girlfriend and Brenda gets all yuppy and spills the beans. Turns out, three dates does not true love make and the old man is totally pissed. We're pretty sure he'll be jumpy when he hears police sirens for the rest of his life. He lectures her about the dangers of lying and she is all butt hurt because she was totally gonna lose it to him tonight! What a jerk!

Brenda gets home later that night and her mother doesn't even care that her daughter was driven home by a strange man she's never met. Remember when she just had to embarrass her in front Kelly and her bitches? Her mom tries to be all understanding but Brenda just wants to talk with Brandon. In another one of their creepy TMI sibling talks Brenda shares that she misses Minnesota and that just because Brandon is 30 seconds older, it does not make him wiser. They also check with each other - they're both still pure. Gee, wonder how long that will last? The show ends with Brandon giving us the dopest quote of the episode. Does he think they'll make it in the 90210? "Well, the houses are bigger, the weather is warmest, and the tan lines are OUTSTANDING, but that doesn't mean they've cracked the meaning of life, you know what I mean?" No Brandon, not really.

Later!

M&G

Pilot: Class of Beverly Hills, Part 1

"I think we're gonna need a raise in our allowance." -Brenda Walsh

So here we are. Season One, Episode One, Part One.

Our story begins at the Walsh house, as the sun rises over Beverly Hills. Dreamboat Brandon Walsh is awoken by the most obnoxious godzilla-like alarm clock in the history of mankind. We wish he would just fucking wake up and turn that shit off. In one epic sentence, Brandon sets up the entire premise of the show -- "first day of school, strange city, new house, no friends, I'm psyched." Thanks for that, Bran!

Meanwhile, Brenda is rummaging through MC Hammer's wardrobe to try and find the perfect outfit for her first day at the one, the only, West Beverly High School. Bren and Bran give us our first glimpse of their awkward ass sibling relationship. Girl Walsh tells us that she was a loser back in their native Minnesota, but Brandon... he was the shit. Also in this conversation, Brandon tells his sister that she's cute and which top he'd like her to wear to school that day. But not only does Brenda have the wrong clothes, she also doesn't have the right hair. Unlike her brother. Check out this coif!!!

During the credits we are introduced to every California stereotype to ever exist. We're talking paparazzi, a woman in heels carrying a surfboard, and of course, the Cartier shop window.

The Walshs drive up to West Bev in Brandon's Batmobile, The Rolling Turd.

Brenda and Brandon realize that their poor ass family ain't living as large as the rest of Beverly Hills, and she-Walsh delivers the dopest quote of the episode, written above. We then cut back to the parking lot and meet Freshman David and his sidekick, whose name we've already forgotten. They're just pumped about all the hot new ass that high school has to offer. Then comes It-Girl Kelly Taylor driving up in her brand new convertible. She's greeted by Jock Strap Steve who turns out to be her ex-boyfriend. Awww shit. He then informs all of us that Kelly got a nose job over the summer and she herself is quite proud of it. We also get our first sex joke as Kelly expresses how glad she is that she dumped his white ass.

Moving ahead, It-Girl Kelly lies to a fat girl about saving Brenda a seat in Chemistry lab. She says she's being friendly, but really she's just a bitch. Bren is so totally psyched to have a friend, that she doesn't even care that Kelly is a self-proclaimed dumbass. Meanwhile, in Spanish class, we're introduced to the Bromance that will become Brandon & Steve. We are forced to read Spanish subtitles. On a tv show. We also learn that Steve is a racist.

We then meet Andrea, who we saw getting off the city bus earlier. She's the editor of the school paper, which is the "top ranked high school paper in the country," and Brandon wants to write for it. She tests his wits with a slew of dumbass questions to try and trick him into looking like a total douche, but after wasting our time for a solid three minutes, she allows him to write for the paper anyway. Probably because nobody else at that school could give a shit about writing. Beauty AND brains? Oh, Brandon.

Brenda totally ditches Brandon at lunch to hang out with her new bff, It-Girl Kelly Taylor, who informs Bren that she better lose a few pounds if she wants to fit in. We then watch two airplanes fly by advertising the Back-to-School Jam at Marianne Moore's house. Anybody who's anybody is gonna be there, even Freshman David is going to sneak in.

Brandon wants to go to the party with his sister, but she ditches him again for Kelly and her bitches.

So... he walks. But thankfully Steve drives up the road, and his afro follows closely after. He picks Brandon up on the side of the road and they head to the party together. Gosh, these popular kids are so accepting of new friends in their social circles!

Marianne's party is totally rad; it's catered, and it has a live band. Brandon and Kelly lock eyes for the first time, admitting separately to their friends that they think the other is cute. Kelly totally eye fucks him. Steve gets his quivering mound of love pudding all hurt when he notices, and he tells Brandon that it's totally not worth it since Kelly isn't all that great in the sack.

Brandon stalks over to the gazebo where he finds some ho sitting all alone. She thinks he's sexy, he thinks she's sexy and cute has gone right out the window. They talk about nothing but begin to slow dance as some awful 90s jazz porno music begins to play. Gotta set the mood. Turns out, this ho is Marianne Moore, kids. Marianne Moore! It's HER fucking party! Why is she sitting alone in the gazebo?! Oh, we find out why. She hates her life. But she seductively gives Brandon her digits by writing it in lipstick up his arm. Brandon gets hard.

Steve is being a drunk asshole and keeps trying to get with Kelly, but she is not having any of his meat flap. Get over it, Steve. He then shouts that she is the biggest bitch at West Beverly High, and he reminds us for the millionth time that he should know since he dated It-Girl Kelly Taylor for a year.

Freshman David realizes that Steve's last name is Sanders, as in Samantha Sanders, who is apparently a television star and David's favorite actress. He thinks she's the coolest and the best mom ever, which only pisses Steve off more. What this little scene boils down to, is that David, who doesn't look a day over twelve, has to drive Steve's drunk ass home in his fancy sports car. When the police pull up next to them on the road, David, the master of disguise, puts on Steve's entire football uniform, including helmet. Because that's not weird.

They get home all right, until David forgets to put the car in park, since ya know, he doesn't have a license. So the car rolls down the hill and crashes into another. What does David do? He runs away. Best decision he's made all night.

Jump back inside The Rolling Turd and fast forward to Monday morning. Brenda informs us that Dreamboat Brandon hasn't stopped talking about his gazebo ho all weekend. Steve is on a hunt to find the kid who did him a favor and drove his drunk ass home, so he can beat him up.  Cut to Chemistry, where the two newest felons, Kelly and Brenda, are chalking Brenda's ID so she can totally go clubbing with them later. Who even knows what a Minnesota license looks like, anyway?

Brandon's ho is sitting alone at the school fountain eating her sushi. He joins her with his PB & J and they plan a date for the weekend. He first suggests Paris, and that silly ho takes him seriously. Apparently there's no room for jokes in the 90210. He then has to deal with Andrea all up on his grill about making deadlines for the paper. He asks her why she's such a square, and she acts like a pretentious bitch. Then she gives him advice on where to take his ho on a date. Guess that means that Andrea is Brandon's first real friend in the BH.

Later that night, Brenda gets ready for her big night out at the club. She lectures her mother about Beverly Hills glam, and tells that sweet woman who birthed her that she may borrow her make-up any time she wants. Mrs. Walsh is not a fan of make-up. Kelly and her bitches pick up Brenda and they head off to the club.

The guy from Blood Diamond lets Brenda in with her Minnesota license, but It-Girl Kelly Taylor gets DE-NIED. Maybe she shouldn't have made her ID out of paper. Brenda is already inside the club, and then Kelly and Donna split, leaving Brenda on her own. Oh shit! What's going to happen to Brenda?! And that's the end of Part One.

We'll see you later for Part Two!

M&G

New Faces and Dangerous Places

Hello there friends and comrades!

Welcome to the 90210, one of the world's most exclusive zip codes. The year is 1990 and the Walsh family is about to embark on a move that will change their lives forever. We're not in Minnesota anymore, kids. 

Over the next few months (or however long it takes to get through a 2-part pilot, 292 regular episodes, and 4 specials) we will review the lives of the most infamous group of students to ever walk the hallowed halls of the glorious -and entirely fictitious - West Beverly High School. 

Beverly Hills 90210 was THE show of the 90's. It ran for ten seasons, was broadcast in multiple countries, and is still in syndication today. One of the most popular prime time soap operas of its day, the show brought serious issues such as eating disorders, violence, and teen pregnancy to the American audience, while adding an extra dose of California glam to each episode. We have this television gem to thank for the creation of so many other teen melodramas such as Melrose Place, Dawson's Creek, and One Tree Hill. Yeah guys, thanks for that last one. Really. 

But what was it about these kids from Beverly Hills that made us want to keep watching? We were all hooked on it. You know you were, too. Admit it. After each episode, you couldn't wait for next Wednesday to come around, so you could find out what kind of shenanigans Brandon, Kelly, and the rest of the gang  were going to get into. And even now, with it in syndication, we find ourselves sitting in front of the TV to relive the series in all its glory. 

Watching it during its initial run, the show was like crack. But once we take a step back and reexamine it now, we wonder why the hell we took this shit so seriously. Let's be honest. The show was pretty crappy. But for the two of us, it's still a guilty pleasure. 

So, what was it about THIS show that made it so remarkable? Was it the boyish good looks of Brandon Walsh? Didn't we all want to be the girl who could change bad boy Dylan McKay? Or maybe you were just that guy who wanted to bang Kelly Taylor. Either way, we all know what it's like to go to high school and we thank our lucky stars every day that our experiences were nowhere near as fucked up as theirs. 

So thank you, Beverly Hills 90210, for allowing us to learn a zip code other than our own. When registering for shit on that brand new Internet thing, we totally used those 5 magic digits. We may not have been as sophisticated as all of you, but we also weren't 30 in the tenth grade either.

To all of you reading this, we hope you enjoy our journey back through the 90's... in our opinion, one of the greatest decades we've ever lived through. 

Can't wait to get started on the first episode ever -- "Class of Beverly Hills."

Til then, catch you on the flipside! 

M&G